The year is 1988. Christina Applegate is starring as Kelly Bundy on the hit FOX show Married… With Children. In a effort to raise both her profile and that of the show, a photoshoot has been scheduled that will play up her sexy, bad girl image. Her manager walks into the photographer’s office to discuss the details. After exchanging pleasantries, the two get down to brass tacks.

PHOTOGRAPHER: … so what are you thinking for wardrobe?

MANAGER: I want her to look hot. Real hot. Like, maybe a black miniskirt and a white bustier. That look is very sexy nowadays. You know, in 1988.

PHOTOGRAPHER: So it’s a sexy shoot?

MANAGER: Yeah, but we also want her to look tough, like a biker chick. But not one of those fat, gross biker chicks with a tattoo of a rose on her boob. A hot, young biker chick.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Hmmm. We could give her some knee-high leather F-ck Me boots and a leather jacket?

MANAGER: Yeah, but won’t the jacket cover up the bustier?

PHOTOGRAPHER: Good point. Let’s switch to a vest, and just have it all dangling off her shoulder like she has no idea how outerwear is supposed to work.

MANAGER: Perfect. The we can sit her in an uncomfortable/sexy position in that director’s chair to get the maximum amount of exposed skin.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Of course. What about the hair? Big, right?

MANAGER: Huge. HUGE. So huge we’ll have to do it in the studio because she wouldn’t fit through the door. I’m talking about so much AquaNet that if somebody out in Glendale lights a cigarette it’ll turn everything from here to Malibu into a crater. Her hair should be so teased out and crispy that the guys from Poison would consider it in poor taste.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Done.

MANAGER: Great. What other kind of stuff do you got in this studio?

PHOTOGRAPHER: What do you mean? Like props?

MANAGER: Yeah, something dangerous. Really turn up the juice, you know? Make her a STAR.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Well, we could put her on a motorcycle… Is that what you mean?

MANAGER: Nonono. Motorcycles have been done. I mean really badass. Like a snake.

PHOTOGRAPHER: A snake?

MANAGER: Yeah, a big one. Crawling up her leg all sexy-like

PHOTOGRAPHER: I suppose we can do th-

MANAGER: AND A FALCON, TOO.

PHOTOGRAPHER: What?

MANAGER: Yeah, a falcon just sitting on her arm like “Yo, sup? F-ck off, I’m a falcon.” Have it look dead into the camera, too. The kids’ll go crazy for that. Definitely.

PHOTOGRAPHER: So, wait. Let me make sure we’re both on the same page. You want me to take a 17-year-old girl, dress her up like “a sexy biker,” tease her hair out to the moon, and have her lounge seductively in a director’s chair with a falcon on her arm and a live snake crawling up her leg?

MANAGER: Yup.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Sounds great. This is amazing cocaine by the way.

MANAGER: It really is.

Buzzfeed via pepuinsummerland

Recently, me and my lady friend were having a discussion about our first celebrity crush. For many, myself included, this is very different from your first celebrity obsession (hey, Natalie Portman); your initial famous person infatuation is oftentimes someone who appealed to you before you even knew what that meant. After thinking about it for some time, I came up with two answers: the original Becky Conner from Roseanne and Married…with Children‘s Kelly Bundy, as played by Christina Applegate.

I doubt I’m alone here, especially after Danger posted that falcon picture. She was trashy, sure, but in a really naive, approachable way. I never worked up the courage to talk to someone who looked like her in my middle school (or at least the upstate New York version of her), but Kelly’s sexuality rarely felt threatening. Now, I don’t want to say it’s because she wasn’t the brightest bulb above the rack of spandex dresses…but, yeah.

After retiring her leather jacket in 1997, the consistently reliable and likable Applegate has gone onto star in Samantha Who? and Up All Night, and she hosts SNL tonight. With that in mind, this GIFs of the Week is dedicated to the one-of-a-kind Kelly Bundy. Never stop dancing.

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Obviously not from last Sunday’s Boardwalk Empire, but I’m still using it. Like it too much. (Via)

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There’s a sad lack of The Middle GIFs out there, so here’s a picture of the bunny from this week’s episode.

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What is a celebrity paradox? Basically, it’s an instance where one character in a universe refers to a different character in another universe played by the same actor. They’re winks at the audience. They’re meta jokes. They’re fun. Here’s an example before the 15 other examples: In a Mad About You episode, someone asked the character, Paul Buchman, if he’d ever seen any of Alien movies. Buchman responded that he’d only seen the first one. Paul Reiser, who played Paul Buchman, was of course in the second Alien film, Aliens. Wink wink, nod nod, ha ha.

Here’s 15 much better examples of celebrity paradoxes.

1. In Stargate SG-1, a reference is made to “MacGyvering” a situation in a scene with Richard Dean Anderson, who was of course, MacGyver.

2. In an episode of Mork and Mindy, Mork Meets Robin Williams, who is the actor who plays Mork. This one tore a tiny hole in the space-time continuum.

3. In Seinfeld, Newman and Kramer talk about the magic loogie theory in the spitting on of Keith Hernandez. They refer to the magic bullet scene in the movie, JFK, a scene that featured Wayne Knight, who plays Newman.

4. In a scene in Scrubs, JD tells the Janitor that he saw him in a scene of The Fugitive, which was actually Neil Flynn — who plays the Janitor — as a cop in The Fugitive (this is an amusing subversion of the celebrity paradox, since the Janitor concedes that it was, indeed, him who was in The Fugitive).

5. Likewise, in the second-season finale of Cougar Town, Ted from Scrubs is confronted by all of his old Scrubs co-stars in different Cougar Town roles. It nearly causes him to have a nervous breakdown.

It’s that time of year when the new crop of fall TV shows feels the swift, cold hand of Network Darwinism. TV execs examine the ratings of pilots and initial episodes and start giving the axe to poorly performing shows that barely got a chance. Some shows make it a full season before getting chopped, but some only live to see a few short weeks. ABC recently cut Lucky 7 after only two episodes. Two episodes! In Walking Dead time, that’s hardly even long enough to make a long, drawn-out run for supplies.

But it may be unfair to judge shows before they’ve even had a chance to find their footings. After all, there have been lots of terrific, long-running shows with lackluster first seasons. Here are 12 shows that had rough starts but ended up righting their ships.

Friends

Who needs character development when you can sit in various cool ways?

The writers of Friends clearly had their character types established going into the show: Chandler was the funny one, Phoebe was the hippie, and Ross was the wet blanket WHO RUINED EVERYTHING, SERIOUSLY ROSS WHY DO THESE PEOPLE HANG OUT WITH YOU? But they didn’t yet understand how to make the characters interact with one another. After the first season, relationships became more seamless until eventually, they got a little too comfortable and the show got incestuous and gross.

The Simpsons

While not nearly as rough as its unwatchable beginnings on The Tracey Ullman Show, The Simpsons’ first season lacked a certain something. The animation was crude, the voices were gruffer, and yes, Smithers was black. While the first season’s episodes were well-written, they relied too heavily on Bart’s catchphrases like “Don’t have a cow, man” and “Eat my shorts.” But the main thing the early episodes lacked was the quick-witted humor, textured comedy, and heartfelt middle-class family sentimentality that would become that would become the show’s trademark quality. The Simpsons started to hit its stride by the second season and by the third, it was off and running as an unparalleled benchmark of TV comedy greatness. Tragically, the show ended in the year 2000 and no lackluster episodes that would besmirch the series’ legacy were ever aired after that. …That’s what the diehard fans choose to believe anyway. In actuality, even creator Matt Groening recently admitted that he doesn’t watch the show anymore and hinted that it should end soon. Despite the criticism, the show was just picked up by FOX for a ridiculously unnecessary 26th season. Ay carumba.

Workaholics

With only three seasons under its belt, Workaholics is the shortest-running show of this list but arguably the one that saw the most drastic improvement. The show’s premise was nothing out of the ordinary: slackers who hated their office jobs. So the first season wasn’t anything people hadn’t seen before in Office Space or The Office. But by the second and third seasons, Workaholics started experimenting and things got weird. Really weird. Cyborg fantasies starring Tom Green and doing LSD with your boss in a hotel room weird. But it took almost that whole first season for the show to craft its unique, identity, while still somehow being completely stoned.

Seinfeld

Jerry’s original dad. Also pictured: Jerry’s neighbor, Kessler.

In 1989, Seinfeld, the most celebrated sitcom of all time, was picked up for the smallest sitcom order in TV history: Four episodes. And it’s amazing it even got that many. Originally titled, The Seinfeld Chronicles, the show tested terribly with focus groups who felt it was “too New York” and “too Jewish.” Anti-semitic critiques aside, the show also lacked its famous bassy theme song and a character you may remember named Elaine Benes. The show’s original female cast member was a waitress at Pete’s Luncheonette (not Monk’s Cafe, mind you) named Claire. The character was rumored to have been dropped after the actress playing her made some unwelcome suggestions about the show to Larry David. And can’t you just see David getting upset over that? And while Kramer was a main character in the pilot, he was originally named Kessler and seemed to be agoraphobic. (Jerry mentioned that he had not left the apartment building in 10 years.) Also, Kessler owned a dog named Ralph who was never seen again. Poor Ralph.

YouTube

Because it’s Friday and almost all of the good TV shows are on hiatus and there’s not much going on in general, let’s take a little trip down memory lane to the year 1991. During Season Five of Married with Children, in an attempt to capitalize off the crass, blue collar show’s popularity, Fox introduced a spin-off called Top of the Heap — which starred Matt LeBlanc as “Vinnie,” introduced as a boyfriend of Kelly’s who was basically the boy equivalent of Kelly. Top of the Heap was not a very good show.

The main premise of Top of the Heap was that Vinnie lived in the Chicago slums with his gritty, deadbeat father Charlie — played by veteran character actor Joseph Bologna (awesome name) — whose get rich quick scheme was to marry his son off to a wealthy woman. That’s right: The entire premise of this show was a guy whose dreams in life involved prostituting his only son out to women. Years later, It’s Always Sunny would touch on that same premise, but of course the people on that show are supposed to be the worst human beings ever.

As such, he gets Vinnie a job at a country club because that’s apparently where single rich women hang out. Definitely single rich women, and not married women to rich men who would happily screw 24-year-old Matt LeBlanc’s brains out. Sadly, we never did get to find out if the pair made it big, because Top of the Heap was cancelled after seven episodes. It was revived a year later as something else, but that didn’t work out so great either.

Oh! And I feel like it’s worth mentioning that Top of the Heap also starred a young Joey Lauren Adams as Vinnie and Charlie’s neighbor who was hot for Vinnie, but Vinnie was too noble to lay a finger on her since she was underage. Which just goes to demonstrate how poorly conceived this show was.

YouTube

Anyway, here’s the teaser for Top of the Heap, in all of its ’90s glory.

Fox

If you’re a Married With Children fan in any capacity, surely you remember this 1991 episode, “If You Could See Me Now,” in which Al is having trouble seeing the road, so Kelly and Bud takes him to an optometrist to get glasses. Al asks his children to help him pick out something “cool yet understated,” and what happens next is ’90s magic.

I don’t even know where to begin: The goofy dancing to ZZ Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man,” the stereotypically “nerdy” employee with glasses, the dumb jokes, (why would an optometrist carry novelty glasses???) Bud’s entire outfit (although that’s not exclusive to this particular scene) … It’s amazing. I can’t even fathom how embarrassing this must have been to shoot for everyone involved and yet I love it more than anything.

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Katey Sagal received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Tuesday — timely, as the final season premiere of Sons of Anarchy aired last night — and was joined by her Married With Children family, sans Marcy and Jefferson unfortunately. Of course, between Sons, Modern Family and Christina Applegate’s usual rotation of projects, we see these guys all pretty regularly anyway. Oh, I mean … Uh, *cough* what’s up David Faustino. Either way, cool to see them all together like this, and it seems like they’ve all stayed close over the years.

Sagal was also joined by a few members of her current TV family as some of the cast of Sons of Anarchy also came out to honor her, along with husband Kurt Sutter. No spoilers!

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sony

What in the…? Who said this was okay? I want names. NAMES.

Sony Pictures Television is taking out a pitch for a new series based on David Faustino’s character, Bud Bundy, sources confirm exclusively to E! News. Sony TV has not yet commented. [E!]

And lest you think this was just E! throwing speculation around all willy-nilly to see what sticks, the news has been confirmed by other outlets, including The Hollywood Reporter, which included this hilarious paragraph.

The Married … With Children cast have all gone on to success. O’Neill currently stars on ABC’s Emmy darling Modern Family. Applegate has a successful film career and starred on TV series Jesse, Samantha Who and Up All Night and continues to be one of the most sought-after actresses every pilot season. Sagal currently is wrapping up the final season of FX’s biker drama Sons of Anarchy and is a successful singer. Faustino recently reunited with his former TV dad on Modern Family.

Please consider this your periodic reminder that everything gets a spinoff or a reboot now. We’re only two or three months from a Salute Your Shorts spinoff called The Donkeylips Chronicles. I guarantee it.

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Yesterday’s report that a Married… with Children spin-off about Bud “Grandmaster B” Bundy is very alarming. Sure, people are very excited about the prospect of a beloved TV series getting a piece of that sweet, sweet nostalgic action, because one of the reasons that Married… with Children was on TV for so many years was because its crude ridiculousness appealed to the blue collar dolt in all of us. The series, despite its many shortcomings and offensive jokes, ultimately redefined the way that we looked at the typical sitcom family that had dominated TV in the 80s, with dorky and “traditional” tribes like the Huxtables, Seavers and, to some extents, the Tanners.

A series about Bud Bundy is not a good idea, no matter how much any of us ever loved the original series. Every now and then, I watch old reruns on TBS in the morning, and the show has not aged well. David Faustino, as we saw in his appearance on Modern Family, has that same young face, but he still looks like someone’s dorky uncle. Looks aside, do we really need to know what Bud Bundy has been through in the 17 years since the final episode of Married… with Children aired? No. Not at all.

But with our constant need to ask each other, “Hey, remember that person, place or thing?” there’s a good chance that Faustino is already buying a new Starter hat to turn backwards, and other TV execs are asking each other, “So who is next?” With that, I want to implore the TV execs who will read this, because they will all read this, to find it in their cold, Satanic hearts to stop the madness and make sure that none of these characters ever gets his or own spin-off.

20) Donna Martin, Beverly Hills 90210

Fox

The CW already did the right thing last year and took 90210 out behind the Peach Pit and blew its brains all over the dumpster. But as we’ve already seen, Tori Spelling needs money and she’d probably do everything short of a Beverly Hills 90210 porn parody to get another paycheck, and I’m never ruling that idea out. Spelling reprised her role as Donna Martin for two episodes of the 5-season reincarnation of the classic story of affluent jackassery, so there’s little doubt that she’d be on board for any new adventures of the 12th-best character from that 90s show.

19) Joffrey, Game of Thrones

HBO

I know, it’s basically impossible unless this series would be some sort of side story that explains what Joffrey was up to on any given day, when he wasn’t being the biggest dick in all of the seven kingdoms. But I just want to reiterate that unless it’s a series that has Joffrey being murdered in a new way each episode, there’s absolutely no reason that he should ever wind up in his own series.

18) Larry Bloom, Orange is the New Black

Netflix

As we’ve previously discussed, nobody likes Larry Bloom. He’s a human potato and he’s the worst, and it certainly doesn’t help that he’s played by a douche weasel like Jason Biggs.

17) Lettie Mae Thornton, True Blood

HBO

In a spectacularly bad final season that was highlighted by a lot of terrible acting and really lazy storylines, Lettie Mae Thornton was probably the worst character in the dumbest story. I’ve made my case for a True Blood spin-off about Eric and Pam traveling the world and kicking everyone’s asses, but no other characters, especially Lettie Mae, should be considered for a spin-off, as we should treat True Blood like Bill Compton, and leave it buried forever.

16) Josh, 30 Rock

NBC

I love 30 Rock. It’s my all-time favorite series, and I still watch it religiously on Netflix with the sole purpose of eventually having every episode memorized, so that when our dystopian future arrives, I’ll be able to act all of the episodes out to entertain my tribe of nomadic cannibals. But Josh was the worst character on a show that had maybe three bad characters. Now, a jerk like my colleague Josh Kurp might argue that Kenneth was the worst character, but Kenneth was the heart of that show. Josh was the worst, followed by Phoebe and Angie’s meth-addicted nephew. Please don’t ever consider it, NBC. (But bring back 30 Rock.)

15) Gerry Gergich, Parks and Recreation

NBC

We certainly love Jim O’Heir and everything about Parks and Rec, but a show about Jerry/Gerry/Larry would be, like the character, the worst. Now, a show about Gerry’s three daughters trying to find love in a big city could be something that we could get behind, but only if Gerry’s presence would be limited to him breaking chairs, sitting on poop-colored foods and/or being hit by cars.

14) Ann Veal, Arrested Development

Fox/Netflix

I’d take an Arrested Development spin-off for just about any character on the beloved series, but Ann Veal? I’d rather watch softcore pornography on PBS.

13) Janice Litman, Friends

NBC

Despite all of the people who still celebrate it in ridiculous syndication, Friends was a terrible TV series about awful people. One of the absolute worst of the so many terrible characters was Janice, who was randomly brought back for cheap laughs, despite the fact that her stupid voice and laugh were so obnoxious. I could have made this list all about Friends characters, and the banner image obviously gives another one away, but I had to be fair to the rest of the TV universe.

12) Jake Harper, Two and a Half Men

CBS

Angus T. Jones already basically made sure that he’ll never star in another TV series again, but we can’t put it past Chuck Lorre to try and milk the Two and a Half Men title for as long as they can until the cow is shooting dust. The half man deserves to be fired on a rocket into the sun with the rest of this series, as soon as we discover how to travel back in time and do it two years ago.

11) Six, Blossom

NBC

Now that the Full House nonsense is happening, too, I’m worried that Blossom will be the next of the nostalgic resurrections. But instead of focusing on Mayim Bialik’s character, it’ll be Jenna von Oÿ as the star. The only problem is who the hell cares what Six is up to now? She’s more useless than Bud Bundy.

10) Richie, Family Matters

ABC

I don’t like to make fun of children, because they’re our future or whatever, but they can also grow up and then come after me when I’m old and unable to defend myself from assassination attempts. Bryton (McClure) James, the actor who played Richie, is actually enjoying a pretty decent career as an actor on The Young and the Restless (unless that was canceled or he was fired), but he probably wouldn’t turn down a chance to have his own sitcom on ABC Family, where no idea is too awful.

9) Manny, Modern Family

ABC

Unless the characters on Modern Family start evolving and become more interesting, the Emmy darling series is going to get really old, really fast. When that day comes, some ABC exec is probably going to be like, “We should spin one of the characters off into his or her own series,” and his cocaine dealer is going to respond, “People seem to like that Manny kid, right?” Don’t listen to your dealer, fictional ABC executive. Manny is the worst.

8) Turtle, Entourage

HBO

With the release of the Entourage movie next year, bros everywhere are probably going to want to know what’s next for Vinny Chase and his gang of cool p*ssy-slayin’ brochachos. Turtle could start his own shoe company to rival Nike, and each week a new pro athlete would stop by to try on some kicks and help Turtle with his lady problems, all while helping him pick out the dopest backwards hats.

7) Fez, That 70s Show

Fox

Poor Wilmer Valderrama. All he wanted for the last decade or so was to star in a big screen adaptation of the 80s TV series CHiPS, even though nobody in America gives a rat’s butt about that show anymore. Now, Dax Shepard is starring in CHiPS: The Movie, so Valderrama has to find something new to do. Bringing Fez back to life is probably something that he’d love to do, since he has never been able to do anything else.

6) Pete Campbell, Mad Men

AMC

I gave up on Mad Men a long time ago, but my best friend, Danger Guerrero, constantly reminds me that Pete Campbell is the worst. I am inclined to believe him. (Although, I left out Oliver from The O.C. because I hope he gets a spin-off, because Danger would lose his mind.)

5) Buddy Lembeck, Charles in Charge

CBS

Long before Joey Tribbiani played a smooth-talking ladies’ man who gradually morphed into a simple-minded dolt, there was Buddy Lembeck. We don’t talk about Charles in Charge enough, which is a shame because it was a great show, between Nicole Eggert stealing our hearts and… well, just that. Buddy Lembeck, though, was a blueprint for what not to do with a TV character over the span of a series, and even if the idea of a spin-off did occur, I’m pretty sure he’d be in prison or dead from sheer stupidity.

4) Screech Powers, Saved by the Bell

NBC

If someone told me that Dustin Diamond showed up to studios daily to offer sexual favors in exchange for a Screech TV series, I’d probably say, “Yeah, and?” Now that the painfully terrible Saved by the Bell Lifetime movie has come and gone, Diamond should do the same and move on. Maybe find a tent to live in somewhere in the wilderness, as far away from a camera or casting director as possible.

3) Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother

CBS

I know that a lot of people loved the CBS series How I Met Your Mother and they’re all bummed that it’s over, mainly because fans really hated the ending, but I couldn’t ever get into it because Ted Mosby was the worst. He should have ended up alone, so maybe he’d realize that he was the problem the whole time. He was lucky that he had Marshall and Barney to make everything seem more interesting around him, because Ted all by himself would be the second most depressing series in TV history.

2) Ross Geller, Friends

NBC

Remember how awful the spin-off series Joey was? Imagine that it had been Ross instead. Wait, no, don’t imagine that! You’ll lose your minds and end up crying for the rest of your lives in mental hospitals. While I don’t think that Ross was necessarily the worst character on Friends, a show based on him would be an incredibly terrible idea, because he wouldn’t have the luxury of characters like Janice and that cop that didn’t arrest Phoebe for impersonating an officer and then later used his standard issue handgun to kill a bird to make him look better.

1) Ted Mosby and Ross Geller together

Shutterstock

Two awful divorced bros living together in New York City… it’s the perfect storm of terrible sitcom characters. Somehow it would put up the greatest ratings in sitcom history, and eventually every network would cancel all original shows and only air Ross and Ted every night in primetime. A faction of humans would try to take out the network satellites and free the rest of the world from this hypnotic dumpster fire, but the rebels would fail and David Schwimmer and Josh Radnor would be recognized as gods. Eventually, every male human would be named Ross or Ted until childbirth completely stopped, because women suddenly had no attraction to men anymore. Only a few decades later, the last humans would pass away, and the world would become an empty wasteland filled with nothing but TVs playing Ross and Ted until energy sources finally dry up.

What hell hath you wrought, TV executives?

Tonight is the big Family Guy / The Simpsons crossover event that many have been fearing since it was announced last year. While it represents many things about both shows, including the idea that differences in humor don’t always mesh, the biggest one for me is a call back to the era when television more or less a big science experiment between shows. A time when a TV crossover meant something and networks were big families that shared members with each other.

The Simpsons and Family Guy are no strangers to this era, having experienced or utilized the crossover numerous times. Springfield famously crossed with The Critic during their memorable film festival and will cross with Futurama later this season, while all of Seth MacFarlane’s shows crossed with each other for Night Of The Hurricane.

It’s just doesn’t happen that much these days. With television productions all over the place, the scope of broadcasting widening and becoming less dependent on networks, and a focus on more serialized stories, the days of the classic TV crossover are gone. Today there’s more of a reliance on guest stars and recognizable faces from other shows instead of trying to insert characters into the universe of a show and forming some sort of incestuous relationship .

And that’s perfectly fine. I think it shows a general maturation of television over the years, where cheap ploys and gimmicks don’t have to be the main attention grab. The kind that NewsRadio used to have a lot of fun shrugging at. They still happen, it is just as a passenger instead of a main course (an exception being 30 Rock’s great live episodes).

It is still perfectly fine to get nostalgic for those old days. I missed a bulk of it due to my age, but I could still catch up via the wonderful world of reruns and syndication. I can remember how it was a big deal that all the TGIF shows would come from Disneyland one week or that NBC would inspire Seth MacFarlane by crossing-over shows like Empty Nest and The Golden Girls via a hurricane.

It was an easier time without the watchful eye of the Internet to critique every plot turn and idea. Stupid things happened and audiences ate them up, at least for a little while.

Hanna-Barbera

One of my earliest crossover memories was the 1987 Hanna-Barbera event that had The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones. It makes no sense at all on paper, but it provides the viewer with the kind of sanctioned “what if” that keeps fan fiction afloat. Elroy Jetson builds a time machine and the two time periods meet, allowing for a plot to blossom from there. It sparks the imagination and creates a connected universe. You see folks trying to do this on the Internet all the time, but here it is in an official capacity.

The Jetsons Meet The Flintstones has an obvious influence on what we’ll see tonight, but what you also notice is a key trademark of the crossover: ownership. It is something that hasn’t changed, but also doesn’t seem to lend itself to blending anymore. Most of the famous crossovers from television history are the result of that synergy inside a company.

Hanna-Barbera owns both The Jetsons and The Flintstones, allowing them to do what they please with the characters. It’s why the Marvel Comics films seem to hold interest better than their earlier attempts at the box office. The same happened with other crossovers and some were even filmed on the same studio lots, allowing for that easy transition. Instead of having to fly into a location for a shot, actors and crew could just walk from one set to another on the lot.

The “spin-off” also provided a lot of ground for crossovers to happen, aside from the obvious hurdles of ensuring a new show survives by using the old show as a balance. The bulk of spin-offs we see today don’t happen until the original show has moved on. The Cleveland Show and Private Practice are two that immediately come to mind, but others seem to wait their turn like Better Call Saul following the end of Breaking Bad.

Most are also unsuccessful, like those featured in Married With Children or Joey after the finale for Friends. It is easy to over-saturate the audience and hard to please them, but it does work. Cheers famously spawned several spin-offs, including Wings and Frasier, while All In The Family and Happy Days were almost responsible for every show on network television at one point. It is just something you don’t see happen today, even with prominent creators still holding sway like Chuck Lorre at CBS.

ABC

CBS is probably the king of television crossovers across the years. Be it Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies appearing on Petticoat Junction, itself a spin-off from Green Acres, or Walker Texas Ranger teaming up with Sammo Hung’s Martial Law for a two-part adventure. CBS tried it and usually got away with it.

The most recent crossover event I can remember is all three versions of CSI coming together for one storyline. It was billed as an event and it was a reminder of what used to be. CBS sometimes is a reminder of those old days, usually for the wrong reasons, but I liked the idea of a sometimes two-part or three-part episode between series.

Magnum P.I. solving a case with Simon & Simon, The X-Files giving Millennium a rub of good luck, or The Green Hornet and Batman kicking ass together for an episode or two was fun to watch. TV is still fun now, but for other reasons. Sometimes the art label supersedes that aspect, but it still shines through from time to time (and not in the reality television sort of way).

It isn’t that I think television should dumb itself down or remove itself from the current critical trends. I just think it shouldn’t forget where it comes from. It’s a medium for artistic expression, yes, but it is also a stupid box used to sell you things in between silly ideas.

If CBS wants to cross-over all of their Monday Night sitcoms and have them exist inside the same universe to facilitate the silliest of plots, I think it should be allowed. It is something Community could’ve had a lot of fun deconstructing if it had lasted. We did get a glimmer with that Cougar Town cameo though.

ABC

I don’t necessarily think television today can lend itself to the silly plots and crossover trends of the old days. While seeing actors infiltrate each other shows with characters they’ve cultivated elsewhere is easy, sights like the one above are hard to swallow. Seeing The Six-Million-Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman battle Sasquatch is awesome, but I think it would be seen as parody today.

Like I said, it was all a big experiment. A fun way to advertise to you and sell products without having to rely on the tenets of radio to draw ideas. The idea of having Bob’s Burgers and Archer exist in the same universe was a fun notion, but it couldn’t be taken to that next level. The same can be said for what we’re going to see tonight.

It’s a one off, a fun experience. Futurama returning will be the same way, although it actually makes more sense than the characters of Family Guy visiting Springfield. I just think we should take it as a window into the past and what used to be fun about television. It is so great now, but it was once this wild, gimmick filled wonderland where aliens could hang out with soda fountain greasers, retired police detectives could help mystery solving doctors solve crimes, and cartoon characters could join together in an effort to stop kids from using drugs.

I’ll probably tune in just to see what they can do with the concept. I just think it’s going to serve better as a reminder of what has come before.

FOX

Christina Applegate has been on TV or in movies literally her entire life. OK, that’s not technically true: she didn’t get her first role, on Days of Our Lives, until she was three months old. What a slacker. From there, she did a Playtex commercial, played “Fan” in the terrible Beatlemania: The Movie, and had a number of small roles in various TV shows, including Charles In Charge, Silver Spoons, and Family Ties. But Applegate got her big break in 1987, when she was cast in Married…with Children, which would keep her, as well as Ed O’Neill, Katey “Gemmacide” Sagal, and David Faustino, busy for 11 seasons. It was never a ratings juggernaut — it peaked at #29 — though a lot of that had to do with Fox being a relatively new network when the sitcom premiered, and many households didn’t carry it.

But the people who did watch it, loved it, largely because of Applegate’s performance as the sexually promiscuous Kelly Bundy. Applegate turned 43 today, so let’s take a look back at some of her best achingly late ’80s, early ’90s Married…with Children outfits. They’re all wonderful.

1.

FOX

Honestly, this is one of the more “classy,” in the most traditional sense of the word, shirts that Kelly ever wore. The necklace really compliments the floppy sleeves.

2.

FOX

The classic Kelly look: bright red lipstick, messy hair, black leather, sexy shrug, and of course, the eternal cross, sales of which increased by 757% in 1988.

3.

FOX

Fun fact: Andy Dwyer wrote “Sex Hair” after watching this episode of Married…with Children. “You got sex hair/You got if from me, girl/Sex hair, it’s such a pretty rat’s nest/Of sex hair, it’s all messed up and matted/Whoa-oh, you’re such a beautiful mess.” “Ann Song” is also about Kelly.

4.

FOX

I honestly don’t remember the context of this screencap, but I’m assuming Kelly was named Miss Ween for being Illinois’ number-one Ween fan. She stopped listening around the time they released White Pepper, but Kelly will always have a soft spot for Pure Guava.

5.

FOX

Imagine how uncomfortable that thing had to have been to put on. It’s ripped from something Michael Jackson might have worn during the Dangerous tour, but at least he didn’t have boobs. Kelly should have been named Miss Ween five years in a row for having to wear it.

6.

Getty Image

There’s a lot to like here. The flat-brimmed Pure Rock radio station hat, the jean shorts with carpet sample patches, David Faustino’s distant gaze (the name of my indie band, btw), the Adidas Married…with Children shirts (I want one of those so bad), etc. But I’d like to direct your attention to the shirtless guy in the stands. It appears he’s rocking a semi-mullet and short shorts the color of Togo’s flag. I’d like a “where are they now?” on him.

7.

FOX

TUMBLR

Pretty much all of Kelly’s tie-dye shirts are gold.

8.

FOX

The designer of this dress came up with its unique pattern when she saw a melted orange Popsicle on the ground trickle into a pool of purple cough medicine. Such an inspiring story/outfit.

9.

FOX

You could sell that bra in an eBay auction, and it would go for at least $20,000.

10.

FOX

This is where I would normally include a picture of Christina Applegate holding a falcon and a snake, as immortalized here. But I can’t include it for copyright reason, so you’ll have to make do with Hair Toss Kelly GIF, comforted by the knowledge that yes, Applegate did really once POSE WITH A FALCON AND A SNAKE, even if we can’t show it it. Kelly Bundy > Kelly Kapowski?

TMZ’s cameras happened upon David Faustino over the weekend and of course pounced on the opportunity to ask him about the ill-advised Married With Children spinoff focusing on Bud Bundy. For the most part Faustino played coy, but joked that Bud would be working at Al’s store when asked if his character would be a shoe salesman. So sorry about that, Sony Pictures Television, because a TMZ reporter almost definitely guessed the idea for your Bud Bundy spinoff.

My favorite part about this is how excited David Faustino gets when the reporter asks him about his DJ career, essentially plugging his hip hop show — lest anyone forget that Grandmaster B is still basically just a slight variation of David Faustino. This spinoff could probably be a reality series and no one would know the difference.

(Via TMZ)

Fox

Update: The tweet below was the work of an unverified/parody account. Per Rener Gracie, Ed O’Neill does not have Twitter. THANKS FOR RUINING THE FUN RENER. 

Since announcing his move to UFC seemingly every guy on the planet with two functional arms and legs has challenged CM Punk to a fight. So far he hasn’t accepted any of them, but now Punk has a celebrity challenger he can’t laugh off as easily as the Green Ranger. Yes, Ed “Al Bundy” O’Neill himself has now called out Punk via Twitter….

The funny thing is, Ed may actually have deeper MMA credentials than Punk. The dude is a legit jiu-jitsu black belt and has been training with the Gracies for over two decades. No, really.

Here’s some more evidence of Ed’s “qualifications”…

What a wonderful show. Anyways, yeah, if Punk accepts and the fight ends with Ed O’Neill running Punk into a door frame, my life will be complete.

via Wrestling Inc.

This isn’t new, but in light of recent events regarding Bruce Jenner making her public transition to Caitlyn Jenner, it’s certainly timely.

In a 2009 episode of Family Guy titled “We Love You, Conrad,” in which Brian briefly dated Lauren Conrad, Stewie made this throwaway joke at the expense of Jenner claiming that he was a “beautiful, elegant Dutch woman” that had apparently birthed Brody Jenner from his/her vagina.

I know the rumors of the woman formerly known as Bruce Jenner’s personal life go back a few years, so I’m not sure if Family Guy was attempting to make an insensitive joke at the time, or if it was just totally random. I’ll just chalk it up to the infinite monkey theorem, which, in all honesty, is not the worst metaphor for the Family Guy writing staff.

Married with Children made a similar joke in a 1996 episode, “Torch Song Duet.” However, being that the plot of the episode revolved around carrying the Olympic torch, and the joke’s expense was made at Marcy, I think we really can safety chalk this one up to a random coincidence.

(Via YouTube)

Speaking of TV characters living dangerously, it’s time to catch up with Game of Thrones Cersei Lannister…

FOX

Not every TV dad can be cool, likable, or even good at being a father. There are plenty of dastardly, deadbeats out there in TV land, but it’s the ones that manage to stick around and win our hearts from time to time that leave a lasting impression that sends their TV children to therapy at some point. Take Homer Simpson above, a TV dad that just missed this list thanks to his better qualities shining through. Sure he still chokes his son at any given moment, can’t remember his baby daughter’s name, and crushed his middle daughter’s saxophone just to name a few bad things, but he’s made up for it.

That’s where this list comes in, showcasing the dads that make Homer Simpson and other, nicer, cooler dads look good. The kind of dad that goes off for the weekend with a woman he just met at a bar and possibly shows up to see you off to school on Monday morning. Good times for all. I’ve probably overlooked a few, so feel free to toss your suggestions into the comments below.

Netflix

George Bluth – Arrested Development

George makes this list for several reasons, none of which include his time in prison. He’s pitted his children against each other and filmed it for profit, forced them to work at a frozen banana stand that was a stolen idea and essentially a front for illegal activity, made his one son complicit with his wrongdoings, and showed little compassion for two out of his four children (one of which was stabbed in prison). Not only that but he essentially abandoned the family on numerous occasions, mostly to sleep with random women at his cabin in Lake Tahoe.

Fox

Al Bundy – Married With Children

What is more cruel than putting your children into a will that will saddle them with debt for the rest of their lives? Not much, but Al Bundy does manage to top himself from time to time. There’s the general thievery and “schemery” that he locks Kelly and Bud into, particularly when one of them falls into success or temporary wealth. But the greatest crime is bringing Bud and Kelly into a world that neither loves or understands them and forces them to devour toaster leavings for sustenance. At least Al does seem to swell with Bundy pride from time to time, showing some love and affection to his children and even proving that he does love his wife.

HBO

Tony Soprano – The Sopranos

Oh sure, go ahead and say that Tony is actually a loving and supportive father that puts a roof over his family’s head. That’s exactly what he’d say, too. The truth is that he’s a murdering criminal that has probably done a lot more to hurt his children indirectly than any of the other kids you’ll hear about on this list. Tony might be a loving father on the surface, but it is that residual effect from his lifestyle that do the most damage. For example, he practically ran one of Meadow Soprano’s boyfriends off because he was black (and because his father heard about Tony’s profession) and then had another boyfriend killed due to “business.” Not to mention the way that word gets around about Tony’s lifestyle and the way he treats some of these parents, namely David Scatino played by Robert Patrick. You have to go to a lot of sporting events to get away from that.

HBO

Tywin Lannister – Game Of Thrones

Probably the worst dad on the list all around, Tywin Lannister claims to do everything for his family. He obviously earned a bit of leeway considering he practically built his family up out of the gutters of ruination, but you don’t expect much fatherly advice from a guy who views love and compassion as weakness. Having adult children that are scared to death of your presence due to severe punishments and lack of compassion throughout their lives is not a fun thing when Father’s Day rolls around. Not to mention his relationship with Tyrion. It doesn’t go well for them at all, especially in the end. No spoilers.

AMC

Rick Grimes – The Walking Dead

You might be saying, “hey, why is Rick on this list? He’s a good dad.” You’d be damn wrong. He might be the shiniest token on this list, but he’s also got a lot of dirt on his rap sheet as a father. He’s got no trouble being loving and caring, unlike the last person on the list, but Rick just kinda sucks at the whole dad business here in the zombie apocalypse. Losing your baby girl is a pretty big black mark against your parenting skills. Then go ahead and toss in the craziness, talking to your dead wife on the telephone, and murder, and you’re setting a pretty poor example for your kids. He’s probably on the very edge of this list, but he makes it.

FX

Frank Reynolds – It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

While he seemed fairly competent upon his entrance into the series, we soon came to see that Frank Reynolds was a scumbag of the highest order. This transferred over to his relationship with his former children, Dennis and Sweet Dee, but also to his probable child, Charlie. Buying all the presents your children want for Christmas, but keeping them for yourself? That’s scummy. Pumping your daughter full of steroids to win a fight against a lifelong enemy? Kinda scummy. At least he’s treating Charlie pretty well for a kid that survived an abortion (that Frank pushed for).

CBS

Archie Bunker – All In The Family

Just because someone is a lovable racist curmudgeon from another era doesn’t mean he isn’t a terrible father. Archie Bunker may have let Gloria live in his house with Mike/Meathead and babied his daughter for years, but the man was still a fairly nasty person who made life difficult for those around him. It makes for great television, but it is going to make for a terrible life. Just try bringing some friends over for fun and hanging out with a guy tossing out offensive stereotypes in the living room.

Fox

Peter Griffin – Family Guy

When it comes to bad animated dads, the next two Seth MacFarlane creations are probably the most cruel of the bunch. They’re the animated versions of Tywin Lannister, but with goofy interests and weird side stories. Peter Griffin saves most of his cruelty for his daughter, Meg. Spitting in her lemonade, throwing said lemonade in her face, wiping boogers on her, leaving her places, shooting her, tripping her into things, calling her names, generally making fun of her. It’s all there.

TBS

Stan Smith – American Dad

In the same universe (I think), we have Stan Smith. A self-involved, CIA patriot who can give or take his children at any point in the series. One moment he’s showing deep love and compassion for the well being of Steve and Haley, but then the next he’s secretly allowing one to be conditioned to be an assassin, bullying his son in an effort to teach him to be a man, and threatening all of them with violence at one point or another. Stan takes Peter Griffin’s bad dad qualities and amplifies them with the aid of CIA tech and a never-ending will to succeed. He’s an assh*le.

AMC

Don Draper – Mad Men

Oh did you like the end of Mad Men? Where Don smiled and had the realization about a commercial for a sugary beverage that is supposedly the greatest commercial ever created? Well, how about the family he left behind? The kids he walked around on all the time and basically treated like junk for the entirety of the series. For goodness sake, his daughter, Sally, walked in on him cheating on his wife. He even admits that he has a disconnect with his children in the series. That’s not good at all, and it’s the result of his actions as a father. He might shine a bit when he defends Sally Draper against her mother, but who is there at the end of the day? Who stays behind with the kids? Not hippie Don Draper searching for inner peace on a hill top in Big Sur. Happy Father’s Day Henry Francis, you’re the one who deserves an ugly tie.

Getty Image

Here’s some news on that Married… with Children spin-off we first mentioned was being pitched nearly a year ago. David Faustino was on hand at the premiere of his former sitcom sibling Christina Applegate’s Vacation, out today, and E!’s Marc Malkin asked him for an update as to the status of the project. Although nothing is set in stone yet, he says that it’s in Sony’s hands, and the production company is apparently “very excited” about it.

But what’s more is that the whole cast has now agreed to be involved in some capacity. Can I get a “no Bundy?” (Sorry.)

“The whole cast, including Christina, is down to do little bits in it,” Faustino said, adding, “The idea would be a pilot for a spinoff. That’s all I can say right now. It involves me and few other people.”

“All of us have said we would all be there for [Faustino],” said Applegate, who played the Bundys’ daughter Kelly.

Asked what she thinks her character would be up to these day, Applegate said. “Kelly Bundy probably has like 10 kids. I’m sure of it.”

By the time they’d be able to produce a pilot and get it picked up, we’re probably looking at a late 2016 to early 2017 premiere at the earliest. Although, Katey Sagal is currently shooting Kurt Sutter’s The Bastard Executioner, with Modern Family circling the drain, and Christina Applegate still having yet to find sitcom success, it sounds like this could end up a reality.

To be honest, I think I’m actually most interested to see what Marcy and Jefferson are up to these days. Please tell me they’re still having lots and lots of kinky sex. I hope they’ve seen Fifty Shades of Grey by now.

(Via E!)

FOX

Married… with Children ran for 11 seasons on Fox, breaching the carefully cultivated idea of what a family should be on television, while injecting a bit of sexuality into the land of sitcoms. When TV’s trailblazers are mentioned, though, Married… with Children usually doesn’t come up, and the same thing goes for when contemporary writers and comedic minds talk about their inspirations. Is it because the show was low-brow and unpolished? Perhaps, but the show’s impact is something that can’t be ignored, and it doesn’t seem like it’s disappearing from our consciousness anytime soon. If you doubt that, take a look at the reaction on social media to today’s update about the possible spin-off.

So, how do we celebrate Married… with Children‘s unfading place in pop culture? We dig in and highlight some lesser know details about the show.

The Griswold/Bundy Connection

YouTube

The opening theme evolved over the course of the show’s 11-season run, but there was an aerial shot of the highway in Chicago for the first four seasons that was apparently reapportioned from another dysfunctional family comedy, National Lampoon’s Vacation (the arrow in the above image is pointing at the Family Truckster from the film). As you’re surely aware, the reboot of the Vacation franchise premiered in theaters on Wednesday with Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy) in one of the lead roles. The world is small.

A Different Title 

As I alluded to, Married… with Children was rude, devoid of a morally upright message, and the antithesis of other family sitcoms of its era. With the intention of making that kind of show, producers initially wanted to ram home by calling the show Not the Cosbys. Thankfully, that working title didn’t stick. Not only is it a bit on the nose with regard to the tone of the show, but it would have felt a bit dated after a time.

Top Of The Heap

David Faustino’s Bud Bundy spin-off isn’t the first thing to spring from the thigh of Married… with Children. Back in 1991, Kelly’s sometimes boyfriend Vinnie Verducci (future Friends star Matt LeBlanc) got the chance to headline Top of the Heap, a father and son buddy comedy that co-starred Joseph Bologna as the senior Verducci. It lasted six episodes (and a backdoor pilot on the main show) and also introduced Joey Lauren Adams to the Married… with Children-verse as Mona Mullins, one of three roles she would play on Married… with Children over the years. Adams also played Mona on Vinnie and Bobby, the spin-off of Top of the Heap, which ditched Bologna and paired LeBlanc’s Vinnie with a friend named Bobby. That show ran for a handful of episodes in 1992.

There was also the failed Steve spin-off about him working as a Dean at a college, but that backdoor pilot apparently didn’t spark like the Top of the Heap one did.

Happy Together

Happy Together is the Russian version of Married… with Children. It’s not uncommon for popular U.S. shows to be adapted for foreign markets, but it’s a bit interesting that, after adapting all episodes of the original, producers kept going and solicited story ideas from fans. The show’s Wikipedia page also says that Married… with Children writers Richard Gurman and Katherine Green contributed to the new episodes, but there’s nothing on IMDb about that, so take that factoid with the appropriate amount of salt.

A Very Different Cast

FOX

Every show goes through a complicated casting process where iconic characters are eventually, at least on paper, momentarily envisioned with someone else in those roles. Regarding Married… with Children, it was more than on paper for Kelly and Bud, who were played by Tina Caspary and Hunter Carson in the unaired pilot. In the years since, they were replaced by Applegate and Faustino. Carson has bounced around with a few low-key roles in front of and behind the camera, while Caspary stepped away from acting before the dawn of the ’90s after taking roles in Mac and Me and Can’t Buy Me Love.

On paper, the roles of Al Bundy and Peg Bundy could have gone to Sam Kinison and Roseanne Barr, but they passed. What a loud, screamy show that would have been.

A Fitting Tribute

Ed O’Neill has had a long career, and he’s done some of his best work on Modern Family, but he will always be grumpy shoe salesman Al Bundy, and that was never clearer than when it was revealed that his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame would be in front of a shoe store in Los Angeles. Who says you can’t go home again?

MGM / Fox

Christina Applegate has some regrets in her career and they seem to be coming out during the promotional tour for the reboot of Vacation. It would seem that Applegate was up for the iconic role of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, the Reese Witherspoon vehicle that eventually turned into a popular sequel and a musical of the same name.

Applegate talked to ET Online on the red carpet for the premiere of Vacation and revealed the reason why she turned down the role:

“The script came along my way and it was right after I had just finished, Married [With Children], and it was a blonde who in that first script is dimwitted but ends up going to Yale, or Harvard, I don’t remember,” Applegate revealed. “I got scared of kind of repeating myself.”

While Applegate, understandably, was hesitant to play another ditzy blonde like she did for 10 years as Kelly Bundy on Married… With Children, she now admits that turning the part down may not have been the wisest decision.

“What a stupid move that was, right?” she said.

Can you blame her? Kelly Bundy was likely one of the most recognizable dumb blonde characters at the time and has certainly held the title in the annals of pop culture. Kelly Bundy goes to Harvard would be fun, but it’d be hard to believe that she managed to overcome it all by the end.

It worked out in the end with her excellent turn in Anchorman and a few other choice roles along the way. Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon won an Oscar.

Thankfully, the Oscars don’t matter.

(Via Entertainment Weekly / ET Online)

Fox

The Married…With Children reboot/spin-off/continuation focusing on Bud Bundy seems to be gaining a bit of steam in Sony’s hands and Katey Sagal seemed to have some thoughts on the subject at the TCA panel for The Bastard Executioner. According to Slash Film, she spoke with the press after the event and relayed the status of the reboot and her possible involvement:

“David approached me about and I said, ‘Anything, absolutely,’” Sagal said. “I think all three of us, Ed, Christina and myself all told David yes. It’s not really a reboot. It’s a continuation I think of Bud Bundy’s story…

“I suppose there’s a certain value in rebooting some of that but I’m not quite sure what it is. If you actually have a story to tell about those people… The only reason a Married with Children reboot might make sense to me is it never really ended. So it might be nice to see it end. So I don’t know.”

That would confirm the earlier report on the entire cast being involved, but Sagal does seem a little on the fence about the entire project. Just a tad. She’s completely right about the show never receiving a proper ending, though. It’d be easy for them to fix with just a few minor, very silly references, but it’s still a lingering thread. Think Family Guy, but with real people and better jokes.

Let’s just hope Grandmaster B makes an appearance. And the rubber woman.

(Via Slash Film)

Sofia Vergara posted the above photo to Instagram late Wednesday dressed up like Peg Bundy from Married… with Children. I know this is probably blowing your mind right now because, as you are maybe aware, Ed O’Neill played Peg’s husband Al Bundy on Married… with Children, and now he plays Jay Pritchett on Modern Family, husband to Vergara’s Gloria Pritchett.

This would admittedly be a pretty clever Halloween costume for Sofia Vergara (she’s got the curves to pull it off, thats for sure), but Halloween is still more than a month away. So, what does this mean? Is there going to be some serious meta action on the upcoming season of Modern Family? And who would Jay dress up as? Himself, basically? (And please, please, please make Manny be Buck.) Or could this possibly even have something to do with that rumored Married… with Children spin-off that David Faustino keeps insisting is supposedly in development?

Modern Family is currently shooting season seven, which premieres later this month on ABC. I mention this because the series will have been on the air for more than six years now, and Sofia Vergara still does not know how to spell her co-star’s name.

(Via EW)